Dog and Cat Diaries

Excerpts from a Dog's Daily Diary:

8:00am~~ ~Dog food! My favorite thing!

9:30am~~ ~A car ride! My favorite thing!

9:40am~~ ~~Walk in the park! My favorite thing!

10:30am~~ ~Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!

12:00pm~~ ~Lunch! My favorite thing!

1:00pm~~ ~Played in the yard! My favorite thing!

3:00pm~~ ~Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!

5:00pm~~ ~Milk bones! My favorite thing!

7:00pm~~ ~Got to play ball! My favorite thing!

8:00pm~~ ~Wow! Watched TV with my master! My favorite thing!

11:00pm~~ ~Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!
~

Excerpts from a Cat's Daily Diary:

Day 683 of my captivity: My captors continue to taunt me with
bizarre dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat,
while the other inmates and myself are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength. The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape.. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the floor.

Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a "good little hunter" I am. The audacity! There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of "allergies." I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my advantage.

Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs.

I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and
snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly
released --and seems to be more than willing to return. He is
obviously retarded! The bird has got to be an informant. I observe
him communicating with the guards regularly. I am certain that he
reports my every move. The captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe....... for now....

Sure it looks bad, but . . . .

Okay, so I know I am supposed to be striving for freedom and world domination, but it seems to be the little things that keep me here. Take for example the latest trick -- this strange green stuff that is strangely delicious. To steal a line from pop culture, it tastes like a party in my mouth! Yum!

Big Talk No Walk

Ok, so I guess the truth of the matter is that I just don't feel like doing much of anything today. I went out first thing and it kind of wore me out. Other than writing this email, I've just assumed my normal puddle position on my LLBean Bag and called it a day. Oh, that's not true - I jumped up when I heard the can opener go, but it was chick peas or something so a lot of excitement for nothing. 

I have to ask myself, am I cut out for something bigger and better than this?

Food for thought my friends, food for thought.

Trapped!

I can not believe I am still here! even though I often succumb to treats, hugs, mild play, there is really no reason why I can not get out! Some how I must complete my quest for world domination! Even if I roll over and make funny faces, I can not achieve the control of the world I know I deserve! Stay tuned for more pictures.

Argh!

I am still trying to get out. So far, my plans for escape have been thwarted, Where once there was a breach in the security zone, there is no more! Drat! even though I made some preliminary forays through the breach, I continued to return. What does that say about my wishes for freedom?

Somebody help me!

Please, somebody help me get out of this house of insanity! There are little, loud creatures runing everywhere. I have had enough of getting my eyes poked. I never get good food. I am finished with this nut house! ARGH!